Tag: friends

For the socially awkward person (self-esteem).

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For the socially awkward

 

I’ve been there. Sometimes, with one foot still slightly there. And then, there are those days when the creeping feelings threat back.

Feeling slightly anxious around people is not a new thing, but you and I know how far it can go on certain occasions for certain people, leading to a real struggle.

I am here to share my experience and to say hey, me too.

Life is full of surprises and changes and in my case, my self-esteem drop when I moved country and just by my silly perfectionist being. Saying the right thing was key, trying not to annoy anyone? essential. Being the foreigner but trying so hard to seem the common neighbour. But you know what? It can be very exhausting.

But hey, I am not trying to help you in your pity bubble. It didn’t help me, neither will do so to you.  I am here to offer my hand and admit to you this: I don’t have this figured out but I can certainly say this few changes in my mindset helped me to find a better way to deal with my socially awkward being.

 

1. It’s good being aware of the fact that you can go through a phase of being ”socially awkward” but that doesn’t define you.

 

When I found other people classifying themselves as socially awkward, this gave me a sense of relief. It released some pressure off my shoulders. Then I would openly introduce myself as ‘shy’ and convinced myself it was just how I was.

You see, stress can make  everything look bigger so if having a term release off a bit of it and help you see things with more clarity, great! But then, it is important to know it is a phase, a normal part of maturity. It is not a comfortable place to stay hidden but a running start.

Underneath that uncomfortable smile, it is found a person who has a lot to offer (even if it might take a while to come out -but that is fine.)

 

2. Low self-esteem can hide a lot of pride and self-centred issues you might need to deal with.

 

Ouch. It hurts. I know. It hurt when I was at church and heard the minister quoted CS Lewis

“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.”

and he added: ”and think more of God”. It was a nasty truth that challenged me deeply.

”I don’t know what to say, they will think I am dumb if I say this, what they would think if I do this, I am so shy, why can’t I be more outgoing, why am I so quiet? I feel so awkward…”

That realisation got me tearful eyes during the sermon. I started being sick of ”I”. I thought my low self-esteem at least had the good point of keeping my humble but I was missing the whole point. I was looking at myself 24/7, talking to myself more than with anybody else and justifying myself of not sharing what I was with someone that needed it.

I wasn’t doing a good job taking care of the people God has placed in my life in order to protect myself.

 

3. Thoughts and feelings don’t have to have the last say. 

 

Sometimes you have to stop listening to yourself and make yourself listen to some truth.

Realizing all of the above was good but didn’t quite fix my feelings and thoughts overnight, they kept and keep creeping out from time to time, but that’s alright.

If something I learned is that I cannot waste my life waiting for my feelings and thoughts to be in the right place to move. I can move towards what I know in my heart is right (even if that means to tell myself ”get a grip, girl”.)

My feelings and thoughts will have to play catch up, I’ll keep moving on.

Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

Psalm 42:11

As a Christian, It really moved me how was this person’s response to his broken-feeling soul. He reminded truth to himself and you know what? I will yet praise him. This broke all my excuses, my silly creeping thoughts because you know what? I will yet praise him. He is my salvation, not me.

Yet. My feelings will have to follow.

My dear socially awkward friend, you are not alone. I know how it feels like feeling out of place, like nobody really gets you, and times when you don’t do it either. I’ve been there. Still, I do time to time.

But there’s a moment in life when you realise you have to put down your feelings and take a choice of moving out of your comfort zone for the sake of others and yourself too (even if that takes a few or thousand trials). Keep trying. Keep moving on.

Yet, I will take a chance.

 

My dear socially awkward friend, the world might be moving on but -hey, now it’s your turn. 

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What about you? Have you ever seen yourself as a ”socially awkward” person?

What would you tell to someone who struggles to be her/himself?

Share me your experience, I’d love to hear from you!

 

 

Your best tips to learn a new language and stay (mostly) sane.

Published on by The fearless gal5 Comments

Learning a new language is tough. One of the most enjoyable and kick-in-the-butt experiences I’ve ever lived. Creativity will be your best friend against boredom when learning a new language and immersion one of your most powerful means.

When people ask me how did I learn English or since when I’ve been learning, I am a bit speechless. All my life? Properly since a few years ago? I don’t know. Finding the specific point on my life-line is a bit too much asking but I can say something for sure:

I started loving this new language since I was 11 or so.

When I was in secondary school, oh boy, the time of ‘crushes’ began and I had no one better than Taylor Swift to walk along with me on this painful journey. Yes, that’s right, I would listen to every single one of her most cheesy songs possible and sing along with the lyrics. I had one big challenge for my self-pity start moments: ENGLISH.

My first Taylor Swift song ever? ‘You belong with me’ and the video was so epic that I had to understand what she was saying! “She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts. She’s cheer captain and I’m on the bleachers” (Yep, the struggle was real).

Continue reading “Your best tips to learn a new language and stay (mostly) sane.” →

’20 Things I’ve Learned In My 20’s’.

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I’m the kind of person that always feel like a child. Yes, it is weird for me to imagine myself as a ‘grown-up adult’ but I guess I am. Rather, I am on my way to becoming one and, like everything in life, It is mostly more about the journey than the destination.

It’s funny looking back and remembering how badly I wanted to grow up faster so I could do the “fun things” grown-ups do (yes, working was included). From pretending I had my own desk made of boxes and phone books as my “work-to-do” to stealing some mom’s make up in order to look older (or a professional fulltime clown).

You know what is even funnier? I thought I would feel like an adult at my 20’s.

One day last summer, I started writing more and more about my experiences in my own personal notebook (okay, my diary-or-whatsoever.) and this crazy title came to my mind

20 things I’ve learned in my 20’s.

I actually thought it was a bit ambitious to come up with 20 things, but hey, here we go… Continue reading “’20 Things I’ve Learned In My 20’s’.” →

Are you (REALLY) here today?

Published on by The fearless gal5 Comments
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Photo credit to @southsidehome on Instagram. Would you like amazing ideas for your sweet home? Interiors inspired by Nordic style in Glasgow. Follow the journey here!

 

I frowned. 2017 came stomping around, loaded with what appeared to be dummy questions and new life-changing answers. One of those questions was this one:

 

Are you really here?

 

While reading a Christian book (Captivating-Stasi Eldredge), there was one two-words advice almost at the end of the chapter that caught my eye.

 

“Be present.”

 

Be present? –Sure!– I thought, but these two words started taking root in my heart. I can’t describe how despite the fact I was not sure at all what it meant exactly, I could feel like I was about to unwrap something priceless and urgently needed for my life. I continued on reading and discovered an unpleasant reality –how much absent I can be every day. Continue reading “Are you (REALLY) here today?” →

Nope, I won’t talk about Valentine’s Day.

Published on by The fearless gal3 Comments

Yeah, not this year. Nah Nah. Can’t have it. You won’t.

Why? Really? Today is the day where the entire world points out that you are still single and that maybe there’s something wrong with you. You see, the pressure of today of having everything figured out and a perfect plan for the night is real. You need someone. Anyone.

It’s like “it’s ok” that you are single the rest of the year but today, you just don’t suit that much the snuggling atmosphere. You’d better try to look busy before the universe laughs at you (what the heck, universe?). Besides, we are sold the message somehow that if you love someone, you must buy them something expensive today, if not, do you even like them? Cards, flowers, chocolates, and lingerie. It just drives me nuts. So if you don’t have ”the person” you’re pretty much excluded from the day. Or you can see it from my friend point’s of view

-Ale, I am just waiting for the tons of cheaper chocolate of the following day.

Yes, that’s the spirit, be my friend on this Valentine’s! Ok, maybe not. But the point is that no matter how much we try to tell our friends, mom, rest of the family, grandpa, grandma, (and then more grandma) that you are doing actually fine on your own without a relationship, you might suddenly start wondering at some point

Am I BROKEN?

Continue reading “Nope, I won’t talk about Valentine’s Day.” →

What your bilingual friend never tells you.

Published on by The fearless gal3 Comments

Last week we talked about the two most wanted-to-know questions about bilinguals, if you missed them, you can check them out first and then carry on with this post with the mystery title with it. Maybe I am overreacting a little, but that’s the fun part of it.

After reading the first post, it’s already crystal clear that life it’s not always fancy for those strange beings –the bilinguals. There are the messy beginnings, but I suppose that’s just life.

Before coming to Scotland I had all sorted out in my mind:

  1. In one or two months I will be an official bilingual.
  2. In one year I will be already over-qualified to start a degree in English.

It’s funny how learning a language in the actual country is not what is cracked up to be. It’s like, by magic, the fact that you are there, maybe something in the air, or the British tea (hmm) will make you release the tongue and your posh English will come out, out of the blue.

How did I manage to learn English (or rather get a plain decent level of communication)? That’s another post, stay tuned!
But how do we manage to stay (mostly) sane while learning the language and what we don’t tell you while we smile politely and nod? That’s the real deal here.

Continue reading “What your bilingual friend never tells you.” →

From your bilingual(-to-be) friend.

Published on by The fearless gal6 Comments

–“So, when you think… Do you do it in English or in Spanish?”

If I earned a penny every time I hear this question, I would probably not be either a millionaire nor rich but I would probably have enough to buy me a cup of tea (probably not). The point is that it is a common question when you are considered ‘bilingual’’. I guess that getting that title was on my bucket list, although I’ve realized from my years of studying English that becoming bilingual is more about being able to communicate (fairly decently) than actually mastering the language because let’s face it, I’m still learning my own language (If not forgetting it bit by bit on the way).

So, in this blog, I wanted to tackle two questions people ask me about being bilingual, therefore if you speak more than one language and have friends who ask you the same kind of questions you can throw them these little nuggets of wisdom (and save yourself a lot of time -you are welcome.) Let’s start with the question of the million dollars.  Continue reading “From your bilingual(-to-be) friend.” →